|how to break a bad news...to good!!!
||Fri, 24 Aug 2001 11:15:10 +0800|
An exact replica of a supposedly actual letter a daughter wrote to her parents from college.
Dear Mom and Dad:
It has now been three months since I left for college.
I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my
thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date
now, but, before you read on, please sit down.
YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN.
OKAY! Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture
and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory
when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I
only get those sick headaches once a day. Fortunately the fire in the
dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station
near the dorm, and he was the one who called the fire department and the
ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and, since I had nowhere to
live because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me
to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's
kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and
are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will
be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking
forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and
give it the love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a
child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has
some minor infection which prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood
tests, and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with
the penicillin injections I am having daily. I know you will welcome him
into our family with open arms. He is kind and, although not well
educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion
than ours, I know your often expressed tolerance will not permit you to be
bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat different than ours.
I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good too,
for I am told that his father is an important gun-bearer in the village from which he came.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was
no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was
not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged... there is no
man in my life.
However, I am getting a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science and I wanted
you to see those marks in the proper perspective.
Anyways, this news is better than those above.
Your Loving Daughter.
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Jim Samonte. All rights